My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize