He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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