good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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