6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
