Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
