dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
