Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
