my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
