a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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