You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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