More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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