I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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