I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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