I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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