i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
