Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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