dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
