:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
