dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
