Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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