PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
