So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize