the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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