Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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