Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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