quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
