I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
