hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
