I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
