They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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