Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
