Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
