Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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