I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
is it fun? or sober?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
