every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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