so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
