My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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