So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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