I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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