I wish my penis had an off switch
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
