Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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