Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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