Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
