this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
