too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
