oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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