if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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