Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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