I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
