..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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