he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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