I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
