I wannas sexs uuuuu
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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