Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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