just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
