I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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