Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
