Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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