Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
