she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
