coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
