How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
