i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have fence marks all over my body
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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