So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
