You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
