Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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