On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
