I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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