I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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