I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
