Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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