Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im part way to drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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