i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
