Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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