I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
