I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
