i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just google imaged poop.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
