So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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