apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
