Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
