We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
