There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
