i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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