im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
