The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
