People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
